MAN RUNS LATE!
This miserable tepid morning a man, specifically a generally vague man by the name of Arnold Literally ran incredibly late rather than walking, such a calamity was caused by his jumping over rather than in the shower, stepping rather than hopping on the bus and the most severe delay was caused by a dreadful fright that made poor Arnold shit himself.
Cumulatively it took him ages (Ice, Dark and Stone ages to be precise) to get to work.
Upon arriving he enquired where his personal assistant was, to which the nonplussed secretary replied ‘He’s gone to grab lunch’ Furious with anger Arnold gave his assistant a bell. No literally, he left a bell on his desk; he’d bought it for his birthday the day before coincidentally. Not that it was Arnold’s assistant’s birthday to his knowledge, but better early than late, and if it had already passed this year better late than never!
Cumulatively it took him ages (Ice, Dark and Stone ages to be precise) to get to work.
Upon arriving he enquired where his personal assistant was, to which the nonplussed secretary replied ‘He’s gone to grab lunch’ Furious with anger Arnold gave his assistant a bell. No literally, he left a bell on his desk; he’d bought it for his birthday the day before coincidentally. Not that it was Arnold’s assistant’s birthday to his knowledge, but better early than late, and if it had already passed this year better late than never!
When Stephen the Assistant had still not emerged at quarter to 2, Arnold had reached boiling point, and so after making himself a cup of tea He decided to actually give his Assistant a ring, and in the hope that he would finally surface left his own wedding band at his desk, inside the bell to ensure it was ringing.
After all methods of contact were exhausted (and some more than others, that lazy bugger of a messenger pigeon has been sleeping for hours) Arnold decided reluctantly to telephone Stephen, and the conversation went roughly (definitely not as smoothly) as follows;
Arnold: Hello, Stephen?
Stephen: Yes?
Arnold: Stephen, its Arnold. Get back to the office post-haste and remember the stamps!
Stephen: I’m on my lunch break!
Arnold: Yes well, I was under the impression you were merely grabbing lunch.
Stephen: Yeah I am, I’ve been out of the office barely half hour, but if I must I’ll be back in a minute.
Arnold: It is absolutely mint imperial you are back in a minute, and that’s all well and gravy and turnips and roast pork and mm… and
Stephen: Arnold?
Arnold: Ah yes Stephen.
Stephen: -hesitation-
Arnold: Ah yes! Stephen! You see if you wanted time to eat your lunch and enjoy a break from the office, then you should specifically ask for one!
Stephen: I bloody well did!
Arnold: No need for bloodshed Stephen, no matter how hungry we get. You only went to grab lunch! And that certainly takes less than a demi heure you troptret.
Stephen: but-
Arnold: No transatlantic bums, wilberts or ifs I’ll have you know! It’s been well over a minute and you had better scurry back here boy!
Stephen: I suppose I’ve shot myself in the foot there?
Stephen laughs falsely, which quickly turns to annoyed muttering after he’s hung up.
Arnold sits like a waiting duck (how exactly do ducks sit while they’re waiting? And what do they wait for anyway?) As he awaits Stephen’s return, can it even be called a return if Arnold is yet to see him that day? Despite knowing he’d been in the same place that day? Like Arnold’s following actions, it is debatable.
Arnold: Hello, Stephen?
Stephen: Yes?
Arnold: Stephen, its Arnold. Get back to the office post-haste and remember the stamps!
Stephen: I’m on my lunch break!
Arnold: Yes well, I was under the impression you were merely grabbing lunch.
Stephen: Yeah I am, I’ve been out of the office barely half hour, but if I must I’ll be back in a minute.
Arnold: It is absolutely mint imperial you are back in a minute, and that’s all well and gravy and turnips and roast pork and mm… and
Stephen: Arnold?
Arnold: Ah yes Stephen.
Stephen: -hesitation-
Arnold: Ah yes! Stephen! You see if you wanted time to eat your lunch and enjoy a break from the office, then you should specifically ask for one!
Stephen: I bloody well did!
Arnold: No need for bloodshed Stephen, no matter how hungry we get. You only went to grab lunch! And that certainly takes less than a demi heure you troptret.
Stephen: but-
Arnold: No transatlantic bums, wilberts or ifs I’ll have you know! It’s been well over a minute and you had better scurry back here boy!
Stephen: I suppose I’ve shot myself in the foot there?
Stephen laughs falsely, which quickly turns to annoyed muttering after he’s hung up.
Arnold sits like a waiting duck (how exactly do ducks sit while they’re waiting? And what do they wait for anyway?) As he awaits Stephen’s return, can it even be called a return if Arnold is yet to see him that day? Despite knowing he’d been in the same place that day? Like Arnold’s following actions, it is debatable.
Stephen bursts through the door but fortunately pieces himself back together just in time to be on a first name basis with Arnold’s looming Rodney revolver
Rodney: ‘Y’alright?’
Stephen: ‘Yeh, not bad’
Arnold fires and sure enough, shoots Stephen right in the foot.
Rodney: ‘Y’alright?’
Stephen: ‘Yeh, not bad’
Arnold fires and sure enough, shoots Stephen right in the foot.
Stephen, groaning: ‘Ouch! What on earth! You shot me!’
Arnold: ‘Oh no, you said yourself; you’d be a minute and you shot yourself in the foot, and you were bloody well late’
Arnold: ‘Oh no, you said yourself; you’d be a minute and you shot yourself in the foot, and you were bloody well late’
Stephen: ‘Now, now Arnold no need for bloodshed no matter how hungry we g-‘
Arnold: ‘I’m fucking starving, Stephen.’
Arnold smiles distractedly
Rodney: Now folks, the moral of the story is that at the end of the day…. There’s the night.
Goodnight.
Arnold: ‘I’m fucking starving, Stephen.’
Arnold smiles distractedly
Rodney: Now folks, the moral of the story is that at the end of the day…. There’s the night.
Goodnight.
No comments:
Post a Comment